A World Cup Finals Diary

I didn't keep a minute-by-minute diary of the World Cup Finals, as I often do with an important sporting event, so here's my recollection of things as they happened...

Pre-Game
* We are LIVE from Phil's Man Cave! Actually, it's not live at all, I'm typing this the next day and taking my best guess as to what happened and when.

* Zinedine Zidane. Hey, did you know he's retiring? Seriously, I had no idea!

* I'm recalling to Lan and his girlfriend a story about the last time Italy was in the World Cup Final. In 94, I watched the game at my friend Sal's house. Sal's parents came over to America in (I think) their 20s. Sal was in fact born in Italy when they were visiting family there (this led to a situation where he had both Italian and American citizenship, which was kind of funny, because when he turned 18, the Italian Army tried to draft him). Suffice to say, I wasn't pulling for Brazil that day. Italy infamously lost on penalty kicks, most notably when Roberto Baggio, their best player, sailed one over the crossbar that would have continued the contest for more PKs. Sal's dad, ordinarily a pretty soft-spoken guy, unleashed a cloud of obscenities in English, Italian, Engtalian and Italish that hangs over Rochester to this day. After about five minutes, I just whispered to Sal, "I'm going home now. Thanks for having me over" and left. So, uh, the Italians, they care about this a little bit. Let's make no mistake about that.

* Before the game, Lan and I agree that Brazil might be the only country on earth that's actually afraid of France. Say what you will about France, but they flat-out own the Brazilians.

* Is it just me, or does Brent Musberger finally look really old?

* The final tally of guests: my wife (who's not really a guest), Lan, Jamie, Joe, Nathan, Francis (our resident Italian import), Kev and his 11 month old son. Excellent strategy by Kev: bring the little man to keep the girls occupied and not asking questions like, "why does the goalie have a different colored jersey?" Actually, that is a good question. Darn it Kev, thanks for preventing my wife from asking questions that I'm too dumb to answer and too ashamed to ask.

* Right before kickoff, I distribute Peroni around the room. Forzi Italia! Kev's son gets into it by immediately trying to drink Kev's bottle. If ever there was a chip off the old block, he's it.

First Half
* Kev immediately wins a $20 bet with a co-worker that there would be a dive in the first minute. Actually, Henry looked legitimately shaken up on that collision. No matter, I think he still collects.

* Six minutes in, Malouda goes through the penalty area, and as Materazzi (you'll never believe this, but I had to look up that spelling) gets close, Malouda takes a dive. Penalty. Marcelo Balboa hails Malouda's acting abilities as Zidane (who's retiring after this match, you know) fakes Buffon out of his jockstrap and chips it down the middle. Balboa disgraces Italian-Americans everywhere by administering verbal fellatio that would even make Brett Favre blush. Okay, that's a lie...it's pretty clear that Favre's ego is so out of control that no amount of flattery will make him blush.

* After the first ten minutes, Italy starts to settle in.

* 19 minutes in, and the Italian with the top knot (why don't any of the Japanese players have those?) wins a corner. Pirlo bends it and Materazzi buries a sweet header. The Man Cave is going wild, and it's 1-1! Francis laments that it should be 1-0 right now. Let's see if the soccer gods repay the Italian side later.

* Ten minutes later, Materazzi just misses with a header, but he fouled the French defender anyway.

* Apparently, the referee tonight is the same guy that sent Wayne Rooney off against Portugal. I recall that was a pretty tardy red. Tardy as in late, not slang for retarded.

* Italy pretty much owns the rest of the first half, just missing a second goal when Toni puts one off the crossbar after a corner. Thuram had to make a great play on the ball before that just to give Italy a corner, since Barthez looked beaten. But despite several chances, Italy can't score and it's 1-1 at the half.

Second Half

* All France from here on out. I mean ALL France. A nice run by Henry right after the half, but he can't do anything with it.

* 53rd minute, Malouda goes down, for real this time, in the penalty area. Ref says "play on". Wow. THAT was a penalty, folks. I have zero doubt in my mind that was a make-up call. At the half, I would bet serious cash that someone told the ref that he rewarded Malouda for a dive in the penalty area, and he said "I'm not giving France a PK unless someone gets knifed in the penalty area". That's the difference between refs/umps in American sport and international soccer referees. American refs strive to get every single call right, and will not give a make-up call if they screw up. If they did, Dirk Nowitzki would have shot about 90 free throws in the last three games of the NBA Finals. International soccer refs seem to strive to keep their impact on the game as neutral as possible, and are entirely willing to make a bad call the other way to make up for a previous bad call.

* A few minutes later, Henry and the soon-to-be-retired Zidane play a nice two-man game that goes nowhere when Henry makes one pass too many.

* Seriously, I think someone slanted the field so it was about 20 degrees downhill toward the Italian goal. France is making everything happen, and the Italians look like they're just waiting for the hammer to fall.

* De Rossi and Iaquinta come in for Totti and Perotta. Totti was completely ineffective. De Rossi has apparently made amends for committing assault on Brian McBride.

* Offsides wipes out an Italian goal. Damn. We couldn't get too excited; it was clear offsides.

* Ribery, who looks like he was motorcycle riding with Ben Roethlisberger, sends one into the 15th row from way out there. He's been awesome in this World Cup, but kind of a non-factor today.

* 80th minute and Zidane goes down with a shoulder injury. This could be the end of a fantastic, bombastic, magnefique career! Nope, he's staying in the game, despite initially signalling for a sub.

* Vin Diesel comes in for Italy, wearing a Del Piero jersey.

* More French attacking, but they're a day late and a euro short everywhere.

Overtime
* Dull start, but both teams are pretty tired. I don't know why the Italians are tired; they didn't do a damned thing for the last 40 minutes. In one particularly bizarre instance, there's five Italian players within three yards of the Italian player with the ball...at midfield. They look like an elementary school girls team, for crying out loud!

* 99th minute, and Ribery just misses a chance to all but end it. Whew! He's subbed out right after that. Not his best game; he was all over the field against Portugal and Spain.

* Buffon punches out a cross, and when it comes back in, he makes the save of the game on a Zidane header. Wow, that thing had "game winner" written all over it. Italy's just marking time until penalties, which has "bad idea" written all over it, since Zidane and Henry are automatic on PKs.

* Joe: "These guys look like they just want to sit around and sip their vino. Enough with the Italian work ethic!"

* De Rossi goes down after getting smacked in the head. That's karma, by the way. Henry is subbed out moments later. I know he's tired, but wouldn't you rather have him out there for penalties, since it's going there?

* Zidane headbutts Materazzi in the chest! Looks like a pretty hard headbutt, too, and Materazzi, of course, plays it up as much as possible by flopping to the deck. Buffon's screaming at the fourth ref to tell the head ref what happened, and finally, the fourth ref does his job. After some delay and deliberation, Zidane's career ends with a red card. Wow! They follow the two up the field on replay, and it looks like Materazzi just said something to set him off. We're betting on the old "seen any naked pictures of your wife?" "No." "Want some?" exchange.

* Balboa: "they should not show that on the replay here at the stadium!" Absolutely, because as we all know, the fans should have no idea what's happening until they read the paper the next day. Are JP Dellacamera and John Harkes warming up in the bullpen? Can they get here in time to handle the PKs? It's amazing; in the Ecuador game, Balboa was all over David Beckham's case, calling for him to be subbed and then dropped from the team. But somehow, Zidane gets all the slack in the world from Balboa. This guy's a national disgrace as an announcer. Seriously. I'd take the drunk ghost of Harry Caray calling the 2010 Cup over this loser, and I take back anything good I've ever said about him.

* Even 11 on 10, Italy can't press the advantage. In fact, France has a great chance a few moments later that just needed a really good pass to tie it together...something that the dude who just got sent off could have provided.

* We're going to penalties. Italy has a big advantage now. They've got the better keeper, and France's best PK takers are out. They've got karma, too. The soccer gods owe them for 94.

Penalties
* Pirlo and Wiltord trade successful kicks.

* Materazzi steps up with a disconcerting "deer in the headlights" look, but buries his. Trezeguet...hits the crossbar!! Once again, the Man Cave celebrates. It should be noted that Barthez has been flopping around like a fish out of water. Italy just has to put it in the net; I don't think he could stop a balloon right now.

* De Rossi and Abidal (there's no flippin' way this guy was born in France. Algeria, maybe) hit theirs. Right before Vin Diesel steps up, I say to Francis, "he'd better make this. I heard Baggio's next." He gives the same nervous half-laugh that you'd have expected from a Red Sox fan if you told him that Buckner was coming in as a defensive replacement. Immediately, I realized that Francis might stab me with a broken Peroni bottle if Del Piero misses. Fortunately, he buries it. The ball, not the broken bottle.

* Sagnol hits for France, and Dave O'Brien finally has his moment of melodrama: "Fabio Grosso has the World Cup on his foot." Eh, it's not quite Jack Edwards, but that'll do. Grosso buries it, and Italy are the 2006 World Cup Champions!

The Post-Game
* Joe asks how much I'd give to see Zidane's face as Italy won it. Would you rather see that, or know what Materazzi said to him? I'd rather know what Materazzi said, but I'll entertain arguments the other way.

* Julie Foudy's talking, for some reason. It's not that I have anything against women working as studio announcers or sideline reporters for men's sports; Leslie Visser's good, as are Michelle Tafoya and Melissa Stark, and...uh, that's about it. Francis pleads with ABC to cut her microphone off. Actually, there was about a five second pause from her, and we thought they really did. Blah blah blah, what a shame about Zidane, blah blah blah...

* I'm expecting Wynalda to rip Zidane a new one, and sadly he follows the same "what a shame" storyline that Foudy does. What the hell? Wynalda's the same guy who went on a tirade against Bruce Arena that was so venomous that Arena won't return Wynalda's calls. For God's sake guys, call a spade a spade! It should be noted they haven't mentioned the Italians once yet.

* Musberger quickly shifts the topic of conversation to the Italian team. Joe: "that's why he's an old pro." Musberger had to drag Foudy and Wynalda off Ziadane's jock once again a few minutes later.

* Shots of the Italian guys celebrating on the field. Apparently, the dude with the top knot vowed to cut his hair if they won. Meanwhile, Gattuso, apparently taking Michael Davies' rating system a bit too much to heart, is running around without his soccer shorts on, exposing a pair of tighty-whities for all the world to see. Um, great. Lots of hugging, kissing and all those other things that European males do.

* It's the trophy presentation, and for some reason, the refs get medals, too. Even Foudy thinks this is stupid. She then pontificates on what a great feeling it is to win the World Cup. Wait, how would she know? That's like asking Swin Cash, Sheryl Swoopes or Vince Carter what it's like to be a basketball champion. And please don't bother me with that PC, "We Love Title IX!" piece of junk known as the Women's World Cup. The World Cup is a 20 pound (I think) statue of solid gold. The Women's World Cup is a wood carving wrapped in aluminum foil and held together with scratch-n-sniff stickers.

* Apparently, FIFA asked Zidane not to rejoin the team for the medal presentation. I understand why they did it, but still, he was the best player on the second best team in the World Cup. That's got to count for something. One of the French guys just sticks the silver medal in his pocket in disgust.

* The Italians get their gold medals and Cannavaro (who should be the Golden Ball winner) holds the Cup in the air as everyone goes absolutely nuts. Now THAT'S a trophy presentation.

The Aftermath

Zidane won the golden ball award, which seems ridiculous to me since he might very well have cost his team the game. No matter, it's a fitting end to the love affair the media has with him. He's a fantastic player, of course, probably the best since Maradona was at the peak of his powers, but still, the coverage was a bit much.

On the whole, I thought ABC/ESPN's coverage was mixed. Balboa was terrible, and Dave O'Brien seemed to have only an intermittent clue as to what was happening. Dellacamera and Harkes were a much better team and should have been the #1 team. And what happened to Jack Edwards? I haven't seen him in forever, so I assume he no longer works for the Worldwide Leader, but I loved his work in 2002, over the top as it was. Tommy Smyth should have been in the booth as well, but they probably figured they couldn't keep him under control so well from there. Early on, they had too many technical glitches, but that got better as the tourney moved forward.

And as for the champions, they were a deserving team. But I have to say, the Italians benefitted from their fair share of luck. They missed Argentina and Brazil, and got Germany, who they always beat and who were playing above their heads anyway, and France, who had just run a Spain-Brazil-Portugal gauntlet. Meanwhile, Italy beat Australia and Ukraine to get to the semifinals. Apart from the second overtime against Germany, when they were magnificent, I never got the feeling that Italy were genuinely the best team in the tournament. If they played Argentina 10 times, I suspect the Argentines would win 7.

But, that doesn't matter now. History will recall Italy as the best team in the world for 2006, and that's how it should be.