BALCO, Brady and Bad TV
Maybe this explains how an unknown sixth-round draft pick rose to become a three-time Super Bowl champion. It probably makes me a bad person, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not feeling a little bit joyous from this. (In a related note, one of my fantasy team names is Puck the Fats.)
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I've complained about this before, and will continue to do so, but the amount of crap on TV now is absolutely stunning. And when watching TV with my wife, I'm exposed to even more of it. When I came home from the race, she was watching a show called "What's Your Sign Design". In a clear sign that the people at HGTV have simply run out of ideas, they came up with a show where an interior decorator works with an astrologer, who, apparently, moonlights as some sort of decorator. This guy, possibly after a few ounces of pot, gauges the type of decoration the person (or in this case, persons) would want based upon their astrological sign. Apparently, one of the victims was an Aries, which my wife thought was wonderful, because she is also an Aries. After watching for awhile, I said, "this is horse s**t" and grabbed a book.
But apparently, as a Capricorn, I'm predisposed to a skeptical state of mind.
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Another show we were watching is called "Miami Ink". Apparently, you can make anything really cool just by adding "Miami" in front of it. There's no show called "Peoria Ink", and for good reason. Long story short, it's a show about a tattoo parlor in Miami. So at least it delivers what it promises.
This show, at least, has some good qualities. For one, the scenery is first rate. As we all know, Miami is arguably the most appearance-conscious city in the country outside Los Angeles. This may make for some mighty shallow individuals, but the women who stop into the tattoo shop are, to say the least, easy on the eyes. For another, most of the customers on the show are a solid 90 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. One guy came in requesting a full sleeve of fire-breathing skulls on his arm. Apparently, he used to be hooked on dope, but now he's hooked on Jesus. Obviously, that's a major upgrade, but apparently he wants the full sleeve of fire-breathing skulls to remind him of his old life and how awful it could be. Said my wife, "why doesn't he just look down at the tracks on his arm?" After getting a full sleeve of fire-breathing skulls, this guy confided that he's on his way to dental school. I can't imagine what would turn off a potential patient more: the massive, frightening tattoo, or the story behind it.
Sometimes, like chocolate and peanut butter, or beer and cheese, the combination of unintentional comedy and pleasant scenery comes together to create a product where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Miami Ink is just such an example. Another scene featured an extremely attractive blonde come in and ask for an orchid to be tattooed on her ankle. We, of course, got the story behind it. Her grandfather died recently, and he raised her from a small child. And she's sad. So she wants an orchid tattoo. Did her grandfather have prize-winning orchids? Not so far as we know. Nor, for that matter, is there any indication he grew them or had any connection whatsoever to that particular flower. She just wants an orchid tattoo to remind her of her grandfather, despite the apparent lack of any connection whatsoever between the two.
Best of all, they showed photos of this young maiden with her grandfather, and her chest was at least two cup sizes smaller and her hair was brown. Sweetheart, the guy died to leave you an inheritance sufficient to pay for your mammary upgrade and first-class dye job, isn't that reminder enough?
Best of all, though, was a woman who came in the shop requesting a tattoo on her hip. The tattoo she wanted? Herself. Yup, this lady had pictures taken of herself, posing in her underwear, and wanted that picture on her hip. And then, she asked the tattoo artist to make the chest and rear end a touch bigger. I would be remiss not to mention that this woman was a 1 on the binary scale, a 10 on the 10 scale, and a 7 on the clydesdale scale. Added around the tattoo of herself were a wad of cash and a champagne bottle. My wife and I immediately agreed that this was the most shallow person we had ever seen on TV. This made Ralph Wilson naming the Bills' football stadium after him look downright humble by comparison. And this was before this woman said, "I just don't want to forget myself." Glasses, wallet, keys, I've forgotten all these things. But forgetting myself entirely? I can't say I've ever done that.
---
I've complained about this before, and will continue to do so, but the amount of crap on TV now is absolutely stunning. And when watching TV with my wife, I'm exposed to even more of it. When I came home from the race, she was watching a show called "What's Your Sign Design". In a clear sign that the people at HGTV have simply run out of ideas, they came up with a show where an interior decorator works with an astrologer, who, apparently, moonlights as some sort of decorator. This guy, possibly after a few ounces of pot, gauges the type of decoration the person (or in this case, persons) would want based upon their astrological sign. Apparently, one of the victims was an Aries, which my wife thought was wonderful, because she is also an Aries. After watching for awhile, I said, "this is horse s**t" and grabbed a book.
But apparently, as a Capricorn, I'm predisposed to a skeptical state of mind.
---
Another show we were watching is called "Miami Ink". Apparently, you can make anything really cool just by adding "Miami" in front of it. There's no show called "Peoria Ink", and for good reason. Long story short, it's a show about a tattoo parlor in Miami. So at least it delivers what it promises.
This show, at least, has some good qualities. For one, the scenery is first rate. As we all know, Miami is arguably the most appearance-conscious city in the country outside Los Angeles. This may make for some mighty shallow individuals, but the women who stop into the tattoo shop are, to say the least, easy on the eyes. For another, most of the customers on the show are a solid 90 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. One guy came in requesting a full sleeve of fire-breathing skulls on his arm. Apparently, he used to be hooked on dope, but now he's hooked on Jesus. Obviously, that's a major upgrade, but apparently he wants the full sleeve of fire-breathing skulls to remind him of his old life and how awful it could be. Said my wife, "why doesn't he just look down at the tracks on his arm?" After getting a full sleeve of fire-breathing skulls, this guy confided that he's on his way to dental school. I can't imagine what would turn off a potential patient more: the massive, frightening tattoo, or the story behind it.
Sometimes, like chocolate and peanut butter, or beer and cheese, the combination of unintentional comedy and pleasant scenery comes together to create a product where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Miami Ink is just such an example. Another scene featured an extremely attractive blonde come in and ask for an orchid to be tattooed on her ankle. We, of course, got the story behind it. Her grandfather died recently, and he raised her from a small child. And she's sad. So she wants an orchid tattoo. Did her grandfather have prize-winning orchids? Not so far as we know. Nor, for that matter, is there any indication he grew them or had any connection whatsoever to that particular flower. She just wants an orchid tattoo to remind her of her grandfather, despite the apparent lack of any connection whatsoever between the two.
Best of all, they showed photos of this young maiden with her grandfather, and her chest was at least two cup sizes smaller and her hair was brown. Sweetheart, the guy died to leave you an inheritance sufficient to pay for your mammary upgrade and first-class dye job, isn't that reminder enough?
Best of all, though, was a woman who came in the shop requesting a tattoo on her hip. The tattoo she wanted? Herself. Yup, this lady had pictures taken of herself, posing in her underwear, and wanted that picture on her hip. And then, she asked the tattoo artist to make the chest and rear end a touch bigger. I would be remiss not to mention that this woman was a 1 on the binary scale, a 10 on the 10 scale, and a 7 on the clydesdale scale. Added around the tattoo of herself were a wad of cash and a champagne bottle. My wife and I immediately agreed that this was the most shallow person we had ever seen on TV. This made Ralph Wilson naming the Bills' football stadium after him look downright humble by comparison. And this was before this woman said, "I just don't want to forget myself." Glasses, wallet, keys, I've forgotten all these things. But forgetting myself entirely? I can't say I've ever done that.
posted by Phunwin at 7:51 AM
1 Comments:
Hey there! As the astrologer on "What's Your Sign? Design," thank your wife for watching the show! I hope she's enjoying it :)
Greg- www.gregtufaro.com
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