Sport + TiVo = ???
Some traditionalists will tell you that the only way to watch a sporting event is live. TiVo, they say, is for losers. To them, I say this: "horseshit". Hey, I love playoff baseball as much as the next guy, but when those jerks at FOX start the game at 9:07 pm on the East Coast, and the game's set to finish around 12:49 am, and I've got to get up for work at 6, it's a major pain in the ass. I love watching the World Cup, but I'm not about to risk my job by coming home at noon and returning at 3. This ain't Europe, you know.
From an officially licensed couch potato and certified sports junkie, here's my official rating of the major sports, and how they translate to TiVo. For the purpose of this article, we're using hockey, basketball, baseball, football, soccer and auto racing as the major sports. I recognize that hockey's a stretch, but let's throw those traditionalists a bone, okay? We'll also include tennis and golf, just to make all things fair...even though I'd sooner watch paint dry.
Here we go, from worst to first:
8. Hockey - Hockey's the fastest paced sport to begin with. What could possibly be gained from speeding it up even further?
7. Tennis - See above; tennis already moves pretty fast. The only advantage is being able to hit the slo-mo button and see how high Maria Sharapova's skirt comes up on a serve. And no, I'm not above trying that. Come to think of it, that alone should move tennis up on the list.
6. Basketball - The 30 second feature might help you get through a timeout, which is nice, while the announcers prattle on about who's getting the ball, and what the teams are trying to do (usually inane). And at the end of games, when you get timeouts by the dozen, it's a big help, but it's really no help to the in-game action.
5. Golf - Do we REALLY need to see Tiger Woods kneeling, lining up his putt, kneeling to look at it some more, lining up again, stepping out, lining it up...you know what, screw it. If you're watching golf in the first place, you're too damned old to figure out TiVo anyway.
4. Baseball - If you've got a very slow pitcher on the mound, you can probably utilize the 30 second skip between pitches. But otherwise, you end up skipping into the middle of the next pitch. Fast forwarding through pitching changes is helpful, as is the fast forward while someone like Nomar Garciaparra does his Rain Man routine. And if you're the type that wants to compress a 3 hour game into 45 minutes, baseball lends itself marginally well to a continuous fast forward. Personally, I embrace the strategy and thought that goes into each and every pitch, but your mileage may vary.
3. Auto racing - Let's not kid ourselves, sometimes you're just looking for a big wreck. I've watched entire races on fast forward before, and you often don't miss a lot. The only downside is that NASCAR announcers tend to be, in my opinion, the best of any major sport. They tend to be very informative, and not to fill the air with lots of idiotic platitudes. It might be the only sport where the announcers are genuinely a plus.
2. Soccer - Soccer lends itself extremely well to a continuous fast forward. It's a slow moving sport to start with, so the guys just end up looking like they're running really fast. You miss just about nothing.
1. Football - Here's the fantastic thing I discovered about football on TiVo once: except in a hurry-up offense, there's almost always at least 30 seconds between plays. So, as soon as the play is dead, you hit the 30 second skip, and you get right to the next snap. It's amazing, you miss absolutely nothing but inane announcer patter and massive steroid freaks pulling themselves off the ground. And you wonder why DirecTV was able to produce "Short Cuts" so efficiently.
From an officially licensed couch potato and certified sports junkie, here's my official rating of the major sports, and how they translate to TiVo. For the purpose of this article, we're using hockey, basketball, baseball, football, soccer and auto racing as the major sports. I recognize that hockey's a stretch, but let's throw those traditionalists a bone, okay? We'll also include tennis and golf, just to make all things fair...even though I'd sooner watch paint dry.
Here we go, from worst to first:
8. Hockey - Hockey's the fastest paced sport to begin with. What could possibly be gained from speeding it up even further?
7. Tennis - See above; tennis already moves pretty fast. The only advantage is being able to hit the slo-mo button and see how high Maria Sharapova's skirt comes up on a serve. And no, I'm not above trying that. Come to think of it, that alone should move tennis up on the list.
6. Basketball - The 30 second feature might help you get through a timeout, which is nice, while the announcers prattle on about who's getting the ball, and what the teams are trying to do (usually inane). And at the end of games, when you get timeouts by the dozen, it's a big help, but it's really no help to the in-game action.
5. Golf - Do we REALLY need to see Tiger Woods kneeling, lining up his putt, kneeling to look at it some more, lining up again, stepping out, lining it up...you know what, screw it. If you're watching golf in the first place, you're too damned old to figure out TiVo anyway.
4. Baseball - If you've got a very slow pitcher on the mound, you can probably utilize the 30 second skip between pitches. But otherwise, you end up skipping into the middle of the next pitch. Fast forwarding through pitching changes is helpful, as is the fast forward while someone like Nomar Garciaparra does his Rain Man routine. And if you're the type that wants to compress a 3 hour game into 45 minutes, baseball lends itself marginally well to a continuous fast forward. Personally, I embrace the strategy and thought that goes into each and every pitch, but your mileage may vary.
3. Auto racing - Let's not kid ourselves, sometimes you're just looking for a big wreck. I've watched entire races on fast forward before, and you often don't miss a lot. The only downside is that NASCAR announcers tend to be, in my opinion, the best of any major sport. They tend to be very informative, and not to fill the air with lots of idiotic platitudes. It might be the only sport where the announcers are genuinely a plus.
2. Soccer - Soccer lends itself extremely well to a continuous fast forward. It's a slow moving sport to start with, so the guys just end up looking like they're running really fast. You miss just about nothing.
1. Football - Here's the fantastic thing I discovered about football on TiVo once: except in a hurry-up offense, there's almost always at least 30 seconds between plays. So, as soon as the play is dead, you hit the 30 second skip, and you get right to the next snap. It's amazing, you miss absolutely nothing but inane announcer patter and massive steroid freaks pulling themselves off the ground. And you wonder why DirecTV was able to produce "Short Cuts" so efficiently.
posted by Phunwin at 8:23 PM
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